How do you do?

A couple of things happened today while I was at work. The first was that a friend of mine told me that I should blog because I’m funny and he likes to read funny blogs. I figured I would give it a try (again). As for the funny part, I can’t make any promises. The other thing was that while sitting at work today, I was waiting for my boss to get off the phone, and I began messing with my stapler. I noticed that on the bottom, where the staples are loaded, was a message engraved from the manufacturer: “Read user manual before stapling.”

How stupid do they think we are? It is a stapler. Sure, this particular stapler is a little bit difficult to load (the instructions are given in the form of a picture of how to load the staples into the empty apparatus). And sure, there is some risk involved with using a stapler, if you’re clumsy/stupid/numb enough leave part of your body underneath the part where the staples come out. And, working in a law office, I know that anyone will try to sue anyone else over anything. (A large percentage of my work day consists of me telling local crazies ‘No, you don’t really have a case. You can’t sue someone because they don’t like you. Discrimination is based on a specific factor, not just attitude.) So, in a time when we have to put “Caution! Hot!” labels on coffee cups, I could even rationalize a warning label on a stapler.

But a user manual? All of my life I’ve only seen two real styles of stapler: Automatic, and Manual. Furthermore, both of these are simple enough that even toddlers use them with ease (although they must of course be supervised. Toddlers like to put things in their mouths, and as far as I know, tongue piercings on infants are not as popular as ear piercings on infants).

For manual staplers, the only basic process I’ve seen is two steps:
1. Put your papers into the opening on the stapler.
2. Press down.

And automatic staplers are even simpler, with just the first step required and the magical stapling forces taking care of the rest. Either the stapling companies think that everyone in modern civilization is hopelessly idiotic, or these alleged user manuals are the biggest waste of paper ever.

Let’s list other things that don’t really need but could conceivably have a user manual!

Drinking glasses
(1. Keeping open end up, pour your desired beverage into the glass. 2. Bring the glass to your mouth, resting your bottom lip on the closest side of the glass. 3. Tilt the glass up so that the beverage flows into your mouth. Caution: Do not attempt to drink with your mouth on the far side of the glass. Doing so could result in wetness, stickiness, or injury.)

Facial tissues
(1. Pull a tissue from the box 2. Hold the tissue to your nose. 3. Exhale strongly. Note: For better results, try pinching one nostril shut and blowing out of the other. Then repeat, holding the alternate nostril closed.)

Shoes
(1. Slide your foot into the cavity of the shoe. If necessary, loosen any laces. 2. Stand, walk, or run on shoe. If shoe has laces, pull them to a comfortable tightness and tie the laces in a bow.

Feel free to leave more suggestions!

Let a Brand New Day Wash Over You

Happy Easter! (I was going to say "Happy Easter, Everyone!" but figured no one would actually read this, and if anyone did read it, it was not likely to be enough to warrant an 'everyone.' If you are reading, however, welcome! Glad you could join me!)

It's been almost a year since I last updated. I was going to try and keep this blog going, but summer happened, 40-hour/week summer job happened, relationship drama happened, good things happened, school happened, graduation requirement drama happened, school kept happening, a puppy happened, and school continues to be happening, and I finally feel like saying something.

So, yes, I don't have much to blog about on a regular basis, as my life has mostly consisted of homework, class, and interning these last few months. I graduate in about a month and a half, and I'm looking forward to that. I'm going back to work at the law office, and I'm really thankful that they're giving me this job. It's not in my field, but it's a regular, steady, paying job that doesn't make me want to blow my brains out. My boyfriend also lives next door to the office. I think this is a much more fortunate set up than most of my fellow graduates will likely happen upon, so I'm definitely not complaining.

I also got a puppy. She's a blue heeler that my friends Danny and Katie found lost on campus one cold December day. I fell in love with her and brought her home to my parents.



After discovering her affinity for biting fingers, we lovingly named her Charlie and as I type this, she's lying on the floor looking at me with big brown eyes that clearly say, "I'm bored. You should put that stupid computer down and come pet me."

She also recently had a run-in with a skunk, though, and until the smell wears off a bit more, I'm going to keep most of the playing in the category of "fetch."

She's a good dog though, and aside from her roaming a bit too far from home, we haven't had any real problems with her. She's smarter, better behaved, and has more personality than quite a few humans that I've met, and I'm glad I could bring her to a good home.

So life is going on. I'm getting through my final semester of college, working on making the transition to "the real world," and enjoying what I can while trying not to stress about what I can't.

Hopefully I'll update this more soon, but I won't make promises.